Anguish.

"I'm not a perfect person. There's many things I wish I didn't do, but I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know I've found a reason for me, to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you." ~Hoobastank, "The Reason"

I want to dream. I want to see him in which my subconscious tells me he's like. I want to understand. I have way too much to think about, so many unanswered questions in my head. They need to be answered soon, or I might go insane. He's all I think about. I need to know, and I need to know now. Why do I do this to myself? I torture myself with daydreams with which I know will never happen. Everything I do, hear, see, reminds me of him. This is so frustrating, ridiculous, pathetic. I hate it all; what I think, what I do. And him. But this isn't all his fault; it's mine. I shouldn't have let it get this far, this complicated. I'm probably making this more complicated than it is. It could be much simpler if I told him. But I can't. He just wouldn't understand. Gawd, I love his obliviousness. And his hair, and smile...see? I'm torturing myself right now. But I need him. I really do. "I [am] unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." And I can't do anything about it.

Another snow day. I need to get a hobby. :P

~Victoria.